Tuesday, February 22, 2005

Ten ways that a baby is like a CEO

1. The baby is the center of its universe. All eyes are on Baby as it babbles and burbles and produces bubbles from various orifices. This attention convinces the baby that it is the sun around which the cosmos revolves- a feeling shared by chief executives.

2. The baby speaks nonsense, but nobody seems to notice.

3. The baby has a short attention span and needs to be entertained constantly. Have you noticed how nobody goes into the CEO's office without a list, a display, and a bar chart?

4. Those who serve the baby must be attentive to its moods, which change radically from moment to moment.

5. Everything is planned around the comfort and schedule of the baby. The problem is that the baby doesn't sleep a lot. It's up by 3am and in gear by 6, and expects you to do the same. Sure, it occasionally crashes at odd hours, but just as you are ready with a cocktail and a DVD, here comes baby with the phone calls and messages.

6. The baby is conveyed everywhere. Shoe-to-floor time: zero.

7. The baby has special food made for it because it can't really digest the stuff other people eat. It's not really what Baby likes that's important, it's the idea that when Baby needs to eat, the right food must be present.

8. The baby is bored by grown ups, but if there's another baby in the room it perks up.

9. When the baby makes a mess, other people have to clean it up.

10. Babies have weird hair. It can be tamed with gel and loving care if the baby has to appear on Wall Street Week, but otherwise you don't want to know about it.

(Adapted and condensed from the Bing! column, Feb 21 issue of Fortune magazine)


hibbalicious said...

Lol thats true reminds me of my neices all the above apply to them.

Preternatural_aL said...

that reminds me so much of my boss :)